That Little Boy

Christmas...a season of hope, love, giving, and joy. As I was contemplating what Christmas would be like for me this year, I thought of other people instead...

As a growing Christian, I know and have always believed on the true reason why I celebrate Christmas, but then what about others? Will they live the same truth? When there is hopelessness, poverty, illness, and other miseries!

I think of the kids on the street, with nothing to eat, and with no home to be on Christmas day. I feel for my friend who's mom is in the ICU who just had brain surgery. I feel for my friends who won't be with their parents and complete family during Christmas day. I wonder what will be Christmas be for them...

But then when I think of the pain that these people go through, the loneliness they have to endure waiting for their loved ones home, the cold of the night that the kids would have to endure...i think of that boy...who was born in a manger, cold, where no inn would accept them, where no family would be willing to help them, and soon enough where people would soon crucify Him.

I think of that little Boy...who came to give everybody HOPE. Who gave the reason for all of us to celebrate. That despite the sufferings, we believe that one day will come He will wipe every tear in our eyes, and every torn that caused pain He will remove.

I don't know how those people would celebrate, but I wish that they would think of that little boy...

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Life's Crisis

Life, some say it's unfair, some say it's worth having, some treasures it so much that they refuse to lose it, and for some a toy that they can play with any way they want.

A lot of people today visited their dearly departed in cemeteries, I always wondered how they lived their lives. I wonder why, after years of being lost, they are not forgotten. Will I be forgotten?

It's a long weekend because of the holiday and I just came from a retreat with a lot of young people from Cross Reign Ministry Church and I had a retreat my self too. It's my first time to be really be a part of a team that would really handle a retreat coz before I was this boy who just participates and be led. Now it's my turn, time has turned the tables on me.

During our first night, I was able to have a slight of background of those kids. Some were recently suspended from school because of drinking inside the classrooms, by the way, did I mention they're just in high school? So yes, some of them were dysfunctional, they're going through stuff that I think I was in back then.

So being there for these kids, it was a very BIG opportunity to be in the team, it was a time for me to personally minister to those kids in a timely crisis. The crisis of life...

When I was at their age, I really did not have a full understanding of living a Christian life, I never really felt the need to understand it as well, I think I was doing OKAY...

My prayer is that, whatever they learned during the retreat, I just pray that they choose and really decide to treasure it, the response might not come overnight, but I do hope that they get to walk along with it.

And to those who have already decided how to do with their lives, I hope they remain faithful, I pray that they would really press on and not give up. Life is wonderful with Jesus. I wouldn't trade it for anything else.

I really like to write about it a lot more but I felt like, I just have to sit and wait for God's hands to work. I did what He told me to do...now i'll leave it all up to Him.

May God bless us all, let us continue to press on and not give up.

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Creative God

In the evening of Friday 2009 AD, the Philippine Independence Day, I was able to attend a prayer meeting that uhm...well not the usual setup but tonight was something meaty and chunky. After the prayer time, two missionaries shared their testimonies in the congregation.

One is a Filipina, she was able to serve the Lord in the mountains of Nepal the other was an American, a pastor who is training young people and those young at heart for missions.

I decided to write this here because it was memorable...God spoke to me tonight. In His own creative way...

I am overwhelmed...

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Questions

Answers...I always have thought these could close a question, that it could actually solve a dilemma but these past few months I have come to realize that it really doesn't give you relief but rather opens its way for another question, thus the loop goes on.

Questions like "How Are you?", seemed complicated and hard to answer, it was like a part of you says that your OK and the other not really so. For some who have recently asked me...sorry if i just gave you a grin. Last night, a couple of young people faced the the same question and i wasn't really that happy to know the answer.

When you are in an ocean of questions and there aren't answers that you could really fish out, sometimes it's better to embrace the tide and flow with the current. You'll never know where the current will ead you to. When I was talking about this with a really really dear brother, Jarrett, he said that..."in part, questions are wonderful because they keep you moving somewhere, they keep you continuing forward and looking for something more. If you were given final answers and there were no more questions... then there would be no more need to progress and discover..." he adds, "the more that I have them..the more I realize that I don't know but the hardest thing is to rest in that..."

And the moment he said that, i have come to realize that, questions really aren't there to confuse you but rather to guide you, and yes maybe to a new set of questions...like they say, only dumb people don't ask, though I really don't believe that dumb people exists...only questions.

Questions are like dots in your head and that you need some line, called answers to connect them and somehow distiguish their realtionships. Maybe if you look into the details you just see a never ending loop of dots and lines but when you see the bigger picture...a painting, a new work of art is made. It's like zoomin in on a painting of picture and all you could see are pixels and dots of paint....

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Composition #5

Composing...one of the things I do to vent out emotions. It's 10.45PM and my brother's sleeping in my bed, while listening to Josh Groban's songs, I am hoping to come up with a good or better piece. So here goes...

My Rest
by Admiral Ato

In my silence, I find peace
In my clamor, I find release
In my quest to lose myself
I seek no other but Yourself

My selfishness engulfs me
Thy presence humbles me
How long! How long! Shall I rest?
Put an end to my restlessness!

Like sheep, stubborn and complacent
I find humility, Oh when shall I see Your debasement
Will I be ready? Will I be weary?
When without Thee, I toil, I grow jaded...

Just as the heavens await
So shall my spirit anticipate
For You to come, for You to conquer
Vanquish my pursuit, for there's no need to wrangle

When will I leave?
With You...no more shall I cleave!
My benevolence, compassion, and affection...
Take hold of it, for I don't want them, because You are here,
Alive and near...

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Losing Weight

It's been three days now since I started working out and burning some calories. The gym's pretty near my house and it doesn't cost too much at least not for now...

I decided to attend gym classes for the reason that I don't have any sport that i could do everyday...or just to be precise, I don't know any sport (and yes not even "shatong"). I felt like I never enjoyed my chioldhood coz I don't know how to play basketball nor drive a bike! I've been pretty much at home when I was I kid and lived mister goody-two-shoes.

Reluctant to go to the gym, I decided to join former office mates, Henry and Rodney at the gym. Don't really plan to build big muscles or 6 packs of abs, I basically want to sweat just like other guys who play various sports. I don't exercise nor do I engage into any sport and my work needs me to be in front of the computer for like at least 9 hours so I really thought I need this.

Since it's my first time to ever attend a gym class and work out I was surfing through the net of some helpful tips for people like me, here's what I've had so far (src: Eight Time Saving Work out Tips):

Do exercises that use multiple muscles, called multitasking. For example, a squat uses the front and back of your legs as well as your butt. After each squat, add an overhead shoulder press using a light dumbbell and you will hit even more muscles.

Focus on your big muscles. Working your biggest muscles burns tons of calories and will give your metabolism a good boost. These muscles are your butt, thighs, back and core i.e., lower back, abdominal and oblique muscles.

Intensify your aerobic workout. By doing so, you can get results in half the time. For example, instead of doing forty minutes of walking, jogging or low impact aerobics go on a bike or treadmill at a high intensity for twenty minutes. If you have been working out regularly for at least a month, you could try doing intervals.

Exercise at a level that to you is hard, or very hard for two minutes Then, lower your effort -- but keep moving! -- for one minute. Repeat this cycle for twenty minutes.

Double up your exercises. Rather than resting between sets, use that time to work a different muscle group, preferably a complementary muscle. For example, alternate one set of biceps curls with one set of triceps dips. Alternatively, do a set of seated leg extensions with a set of leg curls. These are super-sets and they nearly double the number of exercises you can do in a short time.

Incorporate circuit training. Circuit training combines aerobics and strength training in the same workout. Doing this type of work out gives you calorie-burning benefits along with strength gains. For example, do a strength exercise for one minute. Without taking any rest, move on to another. Every two or three exercises add one minute of jump roping or your aerobic activity of choice for one or two minutes.

Before your morning shower and breakfast, or during your lunch hour, squeeze in two sets of ten of the following bare-essential moves: crunches, pull-ups, push-ups, squats and lunges. These calisthenics target and tone most areas of the body but do not take more than a few minutes to do. Short bursts of exercise add up. If you can accumulate 30 minutes of physical activity in a day in short bursts, you will get the same benefits you would if you did it all in one session.

Try something different every so often.Monotony in an exercise routine leads to boredom, which will ultimately lead to no exercise. A change in the type of aerobics, or your specific weight training routine will avoid this problem and will give you greater fitness benefits. You will burn more calories and stimulate muscles in a new way, accomplishing more in a shorter period. Try activities you truly think you will enjoy or you will defeat the purpose and get more frustrated and bored.

I'm not sure if I could follow all these tips but at least I know what to do.

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Me and my Cancer

The "ME" attitude has been around since I was born...spiritually and physically. It has consumed my thoughts and my life to be exact! Not until my eyes were opened on the true reasons why I was really born. I had no idea I was living in this God forsaken attitude...it's a cancer, a spiritual cancer.

For my five years in walking in the "born again" road I have never thought that I had this cancer, it's been feeding thru my bones and my soul. I always thought that I was doing theRIGHT THING but after stumbling onto a huge rock, and getting a slap in the face and got diagnosed...I wasn't doing what God wants me to do...

In my whole Christian life I have always served and got involved in church ministries and alike, singing in the choir, teaching Sunday school, ministry there...and everywhere. After doing all that...I couldn't help but ask my self, why...why am I doing all these? Trying to do everything, and at the end of the day I feel...burned out, with no more strength to do other things. Serving the Lord should be fun, refreshing and more so...relaxing.

I sought for help, prayed to be exact, asked the Lord, "am I really pleasing You in what I do? are the things I am doing are the things that You want me to do? or am I just doing all these because of guilt, and self comfort? " And when He truly reveals to you the real things He wants you to do..the questions would be more scary...

Most Christians nowadays have schedules that are way out of control...speaking engagements, bible study groups, and the like. Schedules that satisfies the human soul...not really Christ. We tend to control our own schedules and place as many "christianly work" into it but really forgetting what is necessary. We are drawing far away from God rather than drawing close and near to God...being intimate. We sacrifice so much with our intimate time with Him with our own selfish efforts.

I could remember myself one time complaining that most young people are not ready to listen to God's word or be at Sunday school because they are always late...for me it was a sign of disinterest. But I realized that it was my cancer who was talking...worst it was ME talking! God's work...is God's work. No need for me to complain or comment on what others are showing or even doing.

We need to separate ourselves from God's work. God is sufficient...no fabrication, no more additions, no more side dishes, no more decorations...just God.

It's a struggle, to have this cancer...but God is still the God who heals, who is full of mercy and of grace. So I need to let go of the things of what He says is not what He wants me to do. Schedules will be changed. I have to let go of the things that pleases me and leave behind the things that really pleases Him and gives Him the glory...no more fabrications.

Missions? teaching Sunday school? singing? leading bible studies? G12? I have nothing against these...but I would ask my self, "Am I glorifying You Lord when I'm doing these? ", let God be the real author of our schedules and much more...the real author of our lives.

A broken spirit and a contrite heart...God will not despise. Nothing more..nothing less. He is enough.

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Choices

Choices, they haunt us first thing in the morning. From what shampoo or soap to use, to what clothes to wear. Often times we need to make wrong hasty decisions that we can never take back and soon enough you find yourself in a pool of resentments. Swimming away, to fix everything.

What was done, is done. I must admit that there were few decisions that I made and resented. OK may be there were more than basically a few...

Everyday I face decisions and a lot of them I never even imagined doing! But even if there were wrong ones, I find myself in a good position.

In my daily walk with my Creator, I have learned to not rely on my own understanding and to never EVER trust my self. Was that another choice? I think it was. I decided to write this note as early as this morning after watching the latest episode of Grey's Anatomy and Smallville, where they had to make choices.

A line in that episode drew a question mark in me that says, "Whatever makes you sleep at night...", when a patient was asked to make a choice.

Grey's Anatomy:
A death row patient wanted to do something good before he dies and decides to give his organ to a boy who badly needs it and is just waiting for some miracle organs to come. The doctors in Seattle Grace didn't want him to die in the hospital, so he decides to kill himself by banging his head exposed brain in his bed!!

Smallville:
Clark was led to choose whether to save mankind or his best friend Chloe who was possessed by Brainiac and was abducted by Doomsday. But ended up saving Chloe and mankind with the help of his 31st century friends from the Legion. Pretty cool.

So I tried asking myself, HOW DO I MAKE CHOICES? I run to God's Word.

We may not know if we came up with the right choice, we don't know what our choices will make up for us. We do not need to know God’s decreed will and how He is providentially bringing it about before we make a decision (Deut. 29:29).

Knowing our future is not our primary objective, and it's not even our job! Often I find myself considering my future before I make any decisions, maybe it does matter but often times for me I end up knowing that it really doesn't. Our destiny in not written in some stone in the future...we write it ourselves together with God. We have no idea what our future is but we know WHO holds it for us.

God is a gracious God who has provided everything we need in order to do what He wants us to do (2 Pet. 1:3). So what is there to worry about? Wrong decisions..yeah I made a lot but my God is SOVEREIGN!

If we make a decision based on biblical commands and principles alone we can fully trust that we are pleasing God in our decision and fully trust that He will providentially (by circumstances out of our control) change our choice if it is not within His decreed will (Ps. 119:30; Prov. 16:9).

And with that I end this note...

“The Bible must be our standard. Whenever we are confronted with a question about Christian practice, we must apply the teaching of the Bible. Sometimes the Bible will deal with it directly, and we must go by its direct teaching. Often the Bible will not deal with it directly, and then we must look for general principles to guide us. It does not matter what other people think. Their behavior is not a standard for us. But the Bible is a standard for us, and it is by the Bible that we must live” (J.C. Ryle, Walking with God).

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To All Who Knows Theology

Yes, if you know anything about it, kindly read down...

And yes, any theology...

Before the year 2008 ended, I kinda opened a conversation with some guys having their masters degree at the Asia Pacific Theological Seminary, while having breakfast, I asked them about what they think of "transferring from one denomination to another", preferably...from being a Nazarene to being a Southern Baptist.

I've been serving in a Southern Baptist church for more than a year now in a choir and in the ensemble group. My Nazarene pastors knows it and yes...they have questioned my loyalty...

If a church is a "body of believers" those who sincerely accepted Jesus Christ as their personal Lord and Savior, how does Christology and Theology play a role in a "church"?

I have heard that if your Christology is WRONG...then everything you believe is WRONG!

I remembered when I was in high school, i left church because I think the people that I meet every Sunday were wearing masks...i know that we ought not to check on somebody else's heart, but maybe I was just in the point when I tried asking and seeking the TRUTH.

Everybody seemed...perfect, holy, and.."born-again" but at the end of the day, they take off their masks and live a different life.

I remember a song that I used to sing in the Southern Baptist church:

"Oh may all who come before us find us faithful,
May the light of our devotion LIGHT THEIR WAY,
May the footprints that we leave...LEAD THEM TO BELIEVE,
And the lives we live INSPIRE THEM TO OBEY,
Oh may all who come before us FIND US FAITHFUL..."

And as I was singing this, I've asked myself if somebody did find me faithful...

Honestly, when I was still the one "who came before" I didn't find those who were ahead of me...faithful, and that's very frustrating!

If transferring from one denomination to another is a question of THEOLOGY...please...enlighten me...

Am I discontented? (Maybe...)
Am I bitter? (I don't think I am...)

I am just basically wanting to know more of what a church should be...

I believe that it should be a gathering of the broken, the humble and not of the proud, the helpless and those who place their hope in the One who SAVES...

What do you believe?

Are we who proclaim to be born-again Christians really are walking in the Light? Or are we just being soooo religious? Are we even real in what we say we are?

Help...

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Nostalgia...getting over it!

The holidays are over, i'm sitting here in my office chair, staring at my computer. I celebrated Christmas at home well, not really celebrated I just slept all night for some reasons that when i woke up for noche buena I kinda got edgy and decided to sleep the whole night and wake up at 3am to sing at church for the Christmas Dawn Service. Here's a video of me singing Mary Did You Know...



This was taken during the 530am service at church the Ensembles where I'm one of the members were singing just before everybody uttered their first prayer probably on Christmas Day.

It was different this time, I think there was more freedom in my self that I got to celebrate the holiday the way I WANT IT and not the way the world would think of it to be celebrated. I got to be reunited with two of my closest friends...Glen and Ruel they even brought a missionary friend of theirs who is also their classmate in the seminary who is by the way from Ohio, USA...Jarrett Davis. I must confess that at first it's kinda awkward seeing them after so many years for Ruel and months for Glen.

A day from their arrival I decided to meet them at last along with some of my friends in church.

After meeting them at Port Cafe, Gaisano Mall, I treated them over for coffee at Blugre, Landco Bldg. I had Jarrett try the Durian Coffee and we all had a great time together...felt like they never left! *sigh*

So here I am, being EMO and nostalgic, pouring everything to writing which I think would help even for a slightest bit. After Christmas, I was able to participate in our youth's camp, which swarmed with young people from the East Mindanao district. I didn't hang out at home most of the holidays, I just like out in the streets or in somebody elses house, and for me it was fun.

New Year's eve came, attended prayer meeting to at least let God know that I badly need His help for the coming year, another year, another walk with my God. Seeing my friends after that night, I decided to spend the New Year at JB's place since there were just two of them in there house, his parents are working in Saudi Arabia and weren't able to go home for Christmas and celebrate with them during the New Year. Ruel and Jarrett celebrated the holidays with Glen's family and some relatives.

New Year came, sent everyone dear to me a text message saying my appreciation, and for relationships that I really find hard to reciprocate. Leaving for Manila on the 2nd day of the year...I was afraid I will be losing them for God knows how long!

We all spent their last day in Davao till we couldn't have enough, ate our last dinner together, ate durian together for the last time, IT WAS ALL ABOUT THE LAST TIME..and that...well s*ckd!

Brushing off my thoughts of the "last time", I enjoyed every moment of it. I just wished I was able to stop time and make them stay longer...longer...and another longer.

The dreaded day came...January 2, 2009. They are leaving...it can't be stopped. They like stayed here for 10 days and for us it wasn't enough, really not enough.

We stayed at Glen's house to help them prepare their stuff and probably hangout out with them till then leave and go back to Manila. Just being inside that house with them tears me apart. I kinda get really emotionally attached to people easily, the problem is i find it hard to reciprocate that's why when they all go...painful!

My friends and I got in the car of Glen's brother and head to the harbor, upon arriving, we all hugged eached other, hoping it wasn't the last of it...

then...silence filled the air...

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