A lot has happened in the past few days that it would take forever for me to write everything here. I even sent my friends a "text-blog", a 5 part text message of what I've been wanting to spill in the days that passed.My grandmother died, August 23, 2008, my mom and the rest of my uncles and aunts are grieving but in a way happy that they can't see my grandmother suffering in her bed. She died in my aunt's house at Digos City at 5 o'clock in the afternoon.
I never had the chance to visit her while she was still alive, I don't even think she remembers me, I don't have any "emotional attachment" with my uncles and aunts, honestly, I was so insecure that I can't step my foot at their place. Yes, I was insecure...
On the day of her burial, I left the house pretty early in the morning to travel to Digos, and when I arrived, my aunts and uncles were there that I haven't even met. I just met them that day, and I discretely looked for my cousin/friend (he's the one closest to me) but haven't found him for some hours. I saw his sister (who's really really pretty BTW) so grown up and turned out to be a pretty lady. There were a number of people that day that I really don't know, and I don't know if they also know me...i don't know anything about them, nor do I know something about them...
My insecurities left a mark on me, "I missed knowing my aunts and uncles and especially my late grandmother..."
As we were walking on the road bound at the cemetery, I had some chat with my cousin, I don't know if it was just me or he's aloof. I haven't talked nor seen him for months and a lot has happened since we last met. It was like a reunion but never really knowing what to reunite to. I felt no link between any people at all. I felt out of place.
After my grandmother was buried, I asked for my cousin's father, and he said "you don't know my father?!" and I was just like "I don't know anybody here at all!", so he pointed out to me who his father was and saw him.
I felt this urge in me to reach out to my relatives, really reach out to them like they are really my relatives! But I think it's kinda too late for that now...or is it?
With the past few days, I felt that I have to do something with my relationships with my relatives, my family, my friends, and every body else, not knowing where and how to start.
I missed not knowing them...i think I just lost the opportunity of knowing them deeper like I should.
5 comments:
My condolence for your grandmother admiral. Sorry to *hear* that. But you know you don't have to blame yourself for not having the chance to get to know them (your relatives). You must have your own reason for not being able to do so (like maybe your job) but not simply to take them for granted. Somehow, the fact that you were there on your grandma's grave is enough to prove her that she has a place on your heart.
I can relate to you regarding relatives. I don't really have close connection with my relatives except when I was a kid. But even then, it's not that close. They used to visit us and vice versa. But as I grow up, I rarely see them. Honestly, sometimes I feel like it's not that important at all. But when I see other families who gather with their relatives (like Henry) and how happy they are, sometimes I just wish I have the kind of family ties they have.:) Haha sounds so dramatic! Sorry.:D
Thanks Dane, to tell you frankly, i also missed not knowing you guys when we were still working at the same company, we just IM each other or update each other in our blogs. I think things don't work this way....
We're like living our own lives, having our own priorities and never wanting to do things that aren't in our unsophisticated lives, LoL.
I still do want to know more about every body I know, something more personal, I think I need to go out more...get out of my shell and comfort zones!
everytime i see a person die, it reminds me that life is short.
Do, my condolence for your lola.
May you live your life to the full. Sieze the day!
My condolence bro. I haven't check your blog for the week since I thought you still have no post yet. I just saw you have a new post courtesy of CommentLuv in my blog. Better late than never. Well I can't say you 'should' get to know your relatives better since I myself doesn't know that much about my father's side. I can relate with the 'who the heck are these people??'. Again my condolence and face the day with a smile.
@Himura: yeah i understand, i haven't been blogging because i had to deal with some personal stuff, re my late granny and my very own dad, life is indeed short...too short.
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