Me and my Cancer

The "ME" attitude has been around since I was born...spiritually and physically. It has consumed my thoughts and my life to be exact! Not until my eyes were opened on the true reasons why I was really born. I had no idea I was living in this God forsaken attitude...it's a cancer, a spiritual cancer.

For my five years in walking in the "born again" road I have never thought that I had this cancer, it's been feeding thru my bones and my soul. I always thought that I was doing theRIGHT THING but after stumbling onto a huge rock, and getting a slap in the face and got diagnosed...I wasn't doing what God wants me to do...

In my whole Christian life I have always served and got involved in church ministries and alike, singing in the choir, teaching Sunday school, ministry there...and everywhere. After doing all that...I couldn't help but ask my self, why...why am I doing all these? Trying to do everything, and at the end of the day I feel...burned out, with no more strength to do other things. Serving the Lord should be fun, refreshing and more so...relaxing.

I sought for help, prayed to be exact, asked the Lord, "am I really pleasing You in what I do? are the things I am doing are the things that You want me to do? or am I just doing all these because of guilt, and self comfort? " And when He truly reveals to you the real things He wants you to do..the questions would be more scary...

Most Christians nowadays have schedules that are way out of control...speaking engagements, bible study groups, and the like. Schedules that satisfies the human soul...not really Christ. We tend to control our own schedules and place as many "christianly work" into it but really forgetting what is necessary. We are drawing far away from God rather than drawing close and near to God...being intimate. We sacrifice so much with our intimate time with Him with our own selfish efforts.

I could remember myself one time complaining that most young people are not ready to listen to God's word or be at Sunday school because they are always late...for me it was a sign of disinterest. But I realized that it was my cancer who was talking...worst it was ME talking! God's work...is God's work. No need for me to complain or comment on what others are showing or even doing.

We need to separate ourselves from God's work. God is sufficient...no fabrication, no more additions, no more side dishes, no more decorations...just God.

It's a struggle, to have this cancer...but God is still the God who heals, who is full of mercy and of grace. So I need to let go of the things of what He says is not what He wants me to do. Schedules will be changed. I have to let go of the things that pleases me and leave behind the things that really pleases Him and gives Him the glory...no more fabrications.

Missions? teaching Sunday school? singing? leading bible studies? G12? I have nothing against these...but I would ask my self, "Am I glorifying You Lord when I'm doing these? ", let God be the real author of our schedules and much more...the real author of our lives.

A broken spirit and a contrite heart...God will not despise. Nothing more..nothing less. He is enough.