Moving on...Leaving a church, best of friends, family, and some really great people are perhaps things that I avoid. I always thought that I could gather everybody in one place till our hairs turn to gray and our faces are filled with wrinkles. But I can't.
Less than a month from now, I will be, well as they all say...starting over.
I could still remember the time I was having breakfast with my former boss at my first job, he asked me, "What are your plans?", having told his plans of putting up his own software business, I readily told him that I always wanted to be a missionary. It was the clearest thing that I ever uttered, being involve in God's work in the front lines. But as time passed I always justified it as something that I can do while having a secular job, I mean I should always do things for God's glory, so why be a missionary?
Resigning from that job, I have heard my boss has already built his own company and is doing well, he is also a Christian and has applauded my desire for an eternal purpose. But that desire faded, not until now...
Having 4 jobs in a year, was difficult. I couldn't find a place where I could say that I am "happy". I enjoy doing my job for like the first six months and not enjoy it after. Everything becomes a routine and happiness just comes when the boss is not around, or when we play DOTA every after 2 hours or when tempted to do so. Work for me was like that, I never thought of seeing it in a different perspective.
And so I prayed, I really prayed, there was one church service that I remember when I prayed, "Lord, show what it means to serve you in spirit and in truth...", I have prayed for that many times but I guess I never meant it.
Months after, after seeking answers about being complete and happy, I lost my job...the company I was working with shut down. The human reaction was always to ask God why... Remembering my prayer, I knew God was up to something, something greater...as they say, "be careful what you pray for..."
On December 2009, a friend of mine came home for Christmas told me that my recent job application at the seminary still stands, and that the seminary is really praying for me. Being without a job, and without the money to pay for my bills, I readily contacted them through Facebook mail and told them that I am interested.
The seminary, the place where I would fulfill God's plan and my desire to be on the front lines...this is it, so I thought. I got convicted that I need to go to the seminary because God in His still, small voice, told me to do so, I don't need to go because of the job, or because I need to pay some bills, or for any other reason...just that voice, I needed to hear that voice...again.
I decided not to take the offer, I decided not to talk to people from the seminary. I needed to listen. I did not want my decisions to be clouded by people, by circumstances, by any other reasons and excuse. I needed to listen.
Then there was this Friday morning, JB and I were having our devotional about the life of King Saul, David and Jonathan. We shared about how important obedience was than offering sacrifices. How God turned His back from King Saul as a price he needed to pay for his disobedience. Having our morning prayer, never expected how that day would turn out.
Evening prayer meeting came, same day, the church was praying for there new deacons, and extending their blessing to the missionaries in Burma. I remember a missionary came up the pulpit and closed that prayer meeting with the same prayer I prayed that morning...I HAD GOOSEBUMPS!
That night I knew I had to listen again...and it all boils down to this. I have decided to follow Jesus...no more excuse now, no more hiding, I am going.
I am moving on...starting over with a different perspective. And NO...I will not be leaving anybody behind, I don't want to think about that that way, I am just going to a place where God wants me to be, and when I meet them again...what an AMAZING view that will be.